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The Hurt Feelings Report form serves as a unique tool designed to help individuals document their emotional distress in a structured way. It requires the physical submission of the form to a law enforcement officer, ensuring that the complaint is formally recognized. This form is intended for those who feel their feelings have been hurt and wish to seek sympathy from others. It collects essential information such as the whiner’s name, age, and the specifics of the incident that caused the hurt feelings. The report includes sections for detailing the time, location, and nature of the hurtful comments, as well as any witnesses who may have been sympathetic. Additionally, it asks about the extent of the emotional injury, including whether a tissue was needed or if there was any lasting damage. The form also provides a space for individuals to express their reasons for filing, which can range from feeling overly sensitive to simply wanting attention. Finally, it concludes with an authentication section for the whiner to sign, affirming their claims. The underlying message is that while hurt feelings may seem trivial to some, they are taken seriously, and support will be offered to those in need.

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HURT FEELINGS REPORT

To use this form, it must be physically placed in the hands of any Law Enforcement Officer

DATA REQUIRED BY THE PRIVACY ACT OF 1974

AUTHORITY: PRINCIPAL PURPOSE:

ROUTINE USES:

DISCLOSURE:

S USC 301, Departmental Regulation, 10 USC 3013 and a log of other regulations too To assist whiners in documenting hurt feelings

Whiners should use this form to seek sympathy from someone who cares

Disclosure is voluntary, however, repeated whining may lead to your file being stamped "candy ass" or some other appropriate term

PART I - ADMINISTRATIVE DATA

A. WHINER'S NAME (Last, First, MI)

B. WHINER'S AGE

C. WHINER'S SEX

D. DATE OF REPORT

E. TYPE OF WHINE USED

F. NAME OF THE PERSON FILLING OUT THIS FORM

PART II - INCIDENT REPORT

A. DATE FEELINGS WERE HURT

B. TIME OF HURTFULNESS

C. LOCATION OF HURTFUL COMMENTS

D. WAS ANYONE SYMPATHETIC TO WHINER (Please include paid witnesses)

E. NAME OF PERSON WHO HURT YOUR PANSY ASS FEELINGS

F. HOW LONG DID YOU WHINE

G. WHICH FEELINGS WERE HURT

PART III - INJURY

(Circle all that apply)

1. WHICH EAR WERE THE HURTFULL WORDS SPOKEN INTO?

2. IS THERE PERMANENT FEELING DAMAGE?

 

LEFT

RIGHT

 

BOTH

 

YES

NO

MAYBE

3. DID YOU REQUIRE A "TISSUE" FOR TEARS?

 

4. HAS THIS RESULTED IN A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?

YES

NO

MULTIPLE

 

YES

NO

MAYBE

 

 

PART IV - REASON FOR

FILING THIS REPORT

 

 

 

 

 

(Mark all that apply)

 

 

 

I am thin skinned

 

 

The Dept needs to fix my problems

 

Two beers is not enough

 

 

I am a wimp

 

 

My feelings are easily hurt

 

My hands should be in my pockets

 

I have woman / man-like hormones

 

I didn't sign up for this

 

I was not offered a tissue

 

 

I am a crybaby

 

 

I was told that I am not a hero

 

Someone requested a tissue

 

 

I want my mommy

 

 

The weather is too cold

 

All of the above and more

 

NARRATIVE (Tell us in your own sissy words how your feelings were hurt, as if anyone cared)

PART V - AUTHENTICATION

A. PRINTED REPORTER NAME (if you wish to be labeled too)

B. SIGNATURE (are you sure about this?)

C. PRINTED WHINER NAME (you really are going out on a limb here) D. SIGNATURE OF WHINER (you have got to be shitting me!)

We, as the Dept, take hurt feelings seriously. If you don't have someone who can give you a hug and make things all better, please let us know and we will promptly dispatch a "hugger" to you ASAP. In the event a "hugger cannot be found, an EMS Team will be dispatched to soak your socks in coal oil to prevent ants from crawling up your leg and eating their way up your candy ass. If you are in need of supplemental support, upon written request, we will make every reasonable effort to prvide you with a "blankie", a "binky" and/or a bottle if you so desire.

➤ PDF File

Form Specifications

Fact Name Description Governing Law
Purpose of the Form This form is designed to assist individuals in documenting their hurt feelings and seeking sympathy. Privacy Act of 1974
Submission Requirement The form must be physically handed to a Law Enforcement Officer to be considered valid. 10 USC 3013
Voluntary Disclosure While disclosure of information is voluntary, repeated submissions may result in a negative label. USC 301
Support Services The department offers support services, including hugs and supplemental items, for those in need. Departmental Regulation

Hurt Feelings Report: Usage Guidelines

Filling out the Hurt Feelings Report form is a straightforward process. Follow these steps to ensure you provide all necessary information. Once completed, remember to give the form directly to a Law Enforcement Officer.

  1. Start with Part I - Administrative Data. Fill in your name (last, first, middle initial) in the space provided.
  2. Enter your age in the next box.
  3. Indicate your sex by marking the appropriate box.
  4. Write the date of the report in the designated area.
  5. Select the type of whine you are reporting.
  6. Provide the name of the person filling out this form, if different from yourself.
  1. Move to Part II - Incident Report. Fill in the date when your feelings were hurt.
  2. Record the time of the hurtful comments.
  3. Specify the location where the comments were made.
  4. Indicate whether anyone showed sympathy towards you, including paid witnesses.
  5. Write the name of the person who hurt your feelings.
  6. Note how long you whined about the incident.
  7. List which feelings were hurt.
  1. Proceed to Part III - Injury. Circle the ear where the hurtful words were spoken.
  2. Answer whether there is permanent feeling damage by circling yes, no, or maybe.
  3. Indicate if you required a tissue for tears.
  4. State whether this incident resulted in a traumatic brain injury.
  1. In Part IV - Reason for Filing This Report, mark all reasons that apply to your situation.
  2. Provide a narrative explaining how your feelings were hurt.
  1. Finally, complete Part V - Authentication. Print your name if you wish to be labeled.
  2. Sign the form to confirm your submission.
  3. Print the whiner's name again for clarity.
  4. Sign your name as the whiner.

Once you have completed all sections, hand the form to a Law Enforcement Officer. They will take the necessary steps from there.

Your Questions, Answered

What is the purpose of the Hurt Feelings Report form?

The Hurt Feelings Report form is designed to help individuals document their feelings of hurt. It serves as a tool for those who believe they have been wronged or offended and wish to seek sympathy from others. While the form may seem humorous, it aims to provide a structured way for individuals to express their emotional distress.

Who can fill out the Hurt Feelings Report form?

Anyone who feels their feelings have been hurt can fill out the form. This includes individuals of all ages and backgrounds. However, it must be physically handed to a law enforcement officer for it to be processed. This requirement emphasizes the importance of taking emotional grievances seriously.

What information is required on the form?

The form requires basic information about the person filing the report, including their name, age, and sex. It also asks for details about the incident that caused the hurt feelings, such as the date, time, and location of the event, as well as the name of the person who allegedly caused the emotional distress.

Is it mandatory to disclose personal information on the form?

While the form asks for personal information, disclosure is voluntary. However, individuals should be aware that repeated submissions without sufficient justification may lead to a less than favorable assessment of their claims. It's important to approach the process with sincerity.

What happens after the form is submitted?

Once the form is submitted to a law enforcement officer, it will be reviewed. The department takes hurt feelings seriously and will attempt to provide support. If necessary, a "hugger" may be dispatched to offer comfort. In more extreme cases, emergency medical services may be called to assist.

Can I request additional support after filing the report?

Yes, individuals can request supplemental support after submitting the form. The department aims to provide additional comfort items such as a "blankie," a "binky," or even a bottle if needed. This is part of their commitment to addressing emotional needs.

What types of incidents are appropriate for this report?

The report is suitable for any incident where an individual feels their feelings have been hurt. This could range from personal interactions to more public situations. However, it’s essential to consider the context and seriousness of the grievance before proceeding.

Is there a limit to how many times I can submit this report?

While there is no official limit to submissions, individuals should be mindful of the potential for their reports to be viewed as excessive or frivolous. Continuous submissions without substantial reasons may lead to negative labels, so it’s advisable to use the form judiciously.

Common mistakes

  1. Neglecting to provide complete personal information: Failing to fill in your name, age, or sex can lead to delays in processing your report. Ensure all sections are completed to avoid unnecessary complications.

  2. Inaccurate incident details: Providing vague or incorrect information about when and where your feelings were hurt can hinder the investigation. Be as specific as possible to help clarify your situation.

  3. Omitting witnesses: If there were people present who can corroborate your experience, include them! Their statements can lend credibility to your report and provide additional context.

  4. Failing to specify the type of whine: Clearly indicating the type of complaint helps the department understand the nature of your feelings. Don't skip this important detail!

  5. Ignoring the narrative section: This is your chance to express your feelings in your own words. Skipping this part may leave your report feeling incomplete and lacking depth.

  6. Not signing the report: A signature is essential for authentication. Without it, your report may not be taken seriously, and you could miss out on the support you need.

  7. Using humor inappropriately: While some lightheartedness may be intended, it can be misinterpreted. Keep your tone respectful to ensure your concerns are taken seriously.

  8. Submitting the form without a physical handoff: Remember, the report must be given directly to a law enforcement officer. Mailing or leaving it in an office will not suffice.

Documents used along the form

When dealing with sensitive situations, it's important to have the right forms and documents at your disposal. The Hurt Feelings Report form is just one of the tools available to help individuals express their emotions and seek support. Below are a few other forms and documents that often accompany the Hurt Feelings Report, each serving a unique purpose.

  • Incident Report Form: This document allows individuals to provide a detailed account of the incident that led to their hurt feelings. It includes sections for the date, time, and location of the event, as well as information about any witnesses present. Gathering this information can help clarify the situation for all parties involved.
  • Support Request Form: This form is used to formally request emotional support from a designated individual or group, such as a counselor or support team. It typically requires the requester to outline their needs and the type of support they are seeking, ensuring that they receive appropriate assistance.
  • Feedback Form: After a situation has been addressed, a feedback form can be utilized to gather insights on how the process was handled. This document can help improve future responses and support systems by capturing the experiences and suggestions of those involved.
  • Follow-Up Questionnaire: This document is designed to assess the emotional state of the individual after the incident has been addressed. It includes questions about their feelings, any ongoing concerns, and the effectiveness of the support received. This feedback is crucial for continuous improvement in emotional support services.

Having these documents on hand can streamline the process of addressing hurt feelings and ensure that individuals feel heard and supported. Each form plays a vital role in creating a comprehensive approach to emotional well-being. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and utilizing these resources can make a significant difference.

Similar forms

  • Incident Report Form: Similar to the Hurt Feelings Report, this document allows individuals to document specific incidents that caused distress. It includes sections for details about the incident, witnesses, and the impact on the individual, focusing on factual reporting rather than emotional responses.
  • Grievance Form: This form serves to formally express dissatisfaction regarding workplace issues. Like the Hurt Feelings Report, it requires details about the situation and the parties involved, aiming to facilitate resolution through documentation.
  • Complaint Form: Used to lodge complaints about various issues, this document parallels the Hurt Feelings Report in its structured approach to gathering information. It often includes sections for the complainant’s information and a narrative describing the problem.
  • Request for Support Form: This document is designed for individuals seeking assistance or accommodations. It shares similarities with the Hurt Feelings Report in that it collects personal information and details about the specific support needed, focusing on the individual's experience.
  • Feedback Form: Often used in customer service or organizational settings, this form collects feedback on experiences. Like the Hurt Feelings Report, it encourages individuals to express their feelings and experiences, though it typically aims for constructive input rather than merely documenting distress.

Dos and Don'ts

When filling out the Hurt Feelings Report form, there are important guidelines to follow. Adhering to these can ensure that the process is smooth and effective.

  • Do provide accurate personal information, including your name and age.
  • Do clearly describe the incident that caused your hurt feelings.
  • Do indicate any witnesses who can support your claims.
  • Do be honest about the nature of your feelings and injuries.
  • Don't exaggerate or fabricate details about the incident.
  • Don't leave sections of the form blank unless they are not applicable.
  • Don't use inappropriate language or tone when describing your feelings.
  • Don't forget to sign the form; your signature is necessary for processing.

Misconceptions

Here are four common misconceptions about the Hurt Feelings Report form:

  • It is a serious legal document. Many people think this form serves a significant legal purpose. In reality, it is intended for humor and does not have any legal standing.
  • It can be used to file formal complaints. Some believe that submitting this form will lead to formal action against someone. However, the form is not designed for that; it is more of a tongue-in-cheek way to express hurt feelings.
  • It requires a detailed account of the incident. While the form asks for specific information, it does not need a comprehensive report. A simple description suffices, as the form's intent is more about amusement than documentation.
  • Submitting the form will guarantee sympathy. Many assume that filling out this form will result in sympathy from law enforcement. In fact, the form's tone suggests that it may not be taken seriously at all.

Key takeaways

When using the Hurt Feelings Report form, keep the following key takeaways in mind:

  • The form must be physically handed to a Law Enforcement Officer for it to be valid.
  • Personal information is required, including name, age, and sex, to complete the report.
  • Details about the incident, such as date, time, and location, are essential for documentation.
  • Indicate whether anyone showed sympathy during the incident, including paid witnesses.
  • Be clear about which feelings were hurt and how long the whining lasted.
  • Circle any applicable injuries, such as whether you required a tissue or experienced permanent feeling damage.
  • Provide a narrative to explain how your feelings were hurt, even if it feels trivial.

Completing this form accurately can help ensure that your concerns are acknowledged, and appropriate support can be provided.